You’ve been anticipating your Parents’ Weekend visit since the tear-filled dorm drop-off. It’s an exciting event and one you should definitely plan to attend. But there are dos and don’ts I’ve learned through the experience of sending three daughters to college. Here’s what you need to know to make your visit successful.
Key College Parents’ Weekend Info:
- Colleges and universities brand their fall family weekends by different names but it’s a universally popular event on campuses across the country.
- Advance bookings for hotels and restaurants are super important, especially in small college towns where the options are limited.
- Respect your child’s privacy.
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Parents’ Weekend Dos and Don’ts
Call it Parents Weekend, Family Weekend or Parent & Family Weekend. Whatever the title, a college visitation weekend is the chance for parents to check in with their kids, explore the campus life and buy everything your college student forgot at home (including, sometimes, the ability to just buy things online).
My husband and I put three daughters through college, so we have many years of experience of parent weekends at three different colleges.
First Child, First Visit
Before my oldest daughter’s first family weekend at college, Hallie panicked. A lot of parents at her school were polar opposites of us politically. And this was well before the last few elections drove a wedge through the country. There was one family she was particularly concerned about. If we met them, we were not to discuss politics. Or religion. Or gay marriage. Everything was forbidden.
After we arrived, Hallie had to go to a class so we went for a hike. We met the banned parents and spent a couple of hours hiking with them. The next day, I heard my name called out at breakfast, and there was the mom, waving us over to her table. We ate the rest of our meals together and stayed friends for years, seeing each other without the kids’ involvement. (We never discuss politics).
Booking Logistics: The Early Bird Gets the Room
Book your accommodations as far in advance as humanly possible. In small college towns, hotels often sell out up to a full year in advance. As soon as the college releases its academic calendar for the year, lock down a hotel room or vacation rental with a flexible cancellation policy.
Lock in off-campus dinner reservations weeks ahead of time. Every restaurant within a 15-mile radius of campus will be bursting at the seams. Hop on OpenTable or Resy well in advance to secure your table so your party of six doesn’t get shut out of popular area restaurants.
Beat the big-box store rush with order pickup. It’s hard to believe, but you probably forgot something essential during drop-off. Place an order online for in-store or curbside pickup at the closest Target or Walmart a few days before you arrive so your student’s favorite items are bagged and waiting for you. If you wait to go to the store, the shelves might be empty.
The Biggest Don’t: Don’t Skip Parents Weekend. Ever.
When our middle daughter was a freshman, my husband and I both had work trips coinciding with family weekend. We tried to sell her on the idea of us coming the weekend after, so we could “focus on you.” She did not buy it. She already had middle child syndrome and here we were, skipping this sacrosanct family time.
Move mountains. Reschedule. Do whatever you have to do to be there.
What to Expect at Family Weekend
Depending on the size of the college, family programs vary greatly. Generally, there is some programming during the day on Friday, but don’t worry if you can’t arrive until Friday night. Many events are offered multiple times during the weekend.
If you didn’t visit campus to tour the school or drop your kid off, you can take a tour, maybe sit in on a class and see the student comedy and a capella groups. The art museum might have an open house and there are often lectures by different professors.
You might be able to go to a football game or soccer match, a concert or a dance performance.
More Don’ts of Parents Weekend
You are here to check in on them, not check up on them. Follow these hard and fast rules for what NOT to do.
Dorm and Personal Space Boundaries
Don’t go through their stuff. Don’t open up drawers, dressers or closets in your child’s room. This is their room, not yours. Remember how you told them they had to clean up their room because it was in your house? Guess what! Their dorm room is not in your house. Hands off.
Don’t comment on what you found when you were snooping. We know you couldn’t help yourself and you peeked in the closet (see above). What did you expect to find?
Don’t apply lotions, creams or unguents to your child’s body at any time. She is old enough to bust out her sunscreen, hand sanitizer or anti-itch cream herself. My mother-in-law thought my husband’s (then college boyfriend’s) skin looked red on family weekend and started daubing on lotion while we all looked on, appalled. Bite your tongue and slip a small bottle into his dorm room if you must.
Don’t be surprised to find your child has been drinking. If you see evidence of underage drinking, you can talk about safety without mentioning what you saw. You are wrong to look, no matter what you find. Obviously, if your child has a known drug or drinking problem, this is a different matter. But unless that is the case, your child is a college student now and, if over 18, legally an adult.
Classroom Etiquette
Don’t sit in on your child’s class if the college offers this option and they don’t want you to attend.
If they do allow you to attend a class, DON’T raise your hand. Don’t talk to the professor after class.
Social Media Boundaries
Don’t post photos or videos of your child, their roommates or their dorm room without asking first. College students are carefully curating their adult identity and social status. Tagging them in unapproved pictures, or broadcasting their messy room to your Facebook friends, can spark unnecessary tension. Always ask before uploading!
Schedule Flexibility
Don’t insist on an activity that you saw on the weekend schedule of events. This is their weekend, not a family vacation. We would come a day early to Parents’ Weekend to explore a local art museum or to see friends who lived nearby, then have the family weekend revolve around our child.
Parents’ Weekend Dos
Do invite your child’s roommate to dinner if her parents didn’t come (clear this first with your child).
Do pay for everything, even if you have your daughter on a strict budget. This weekend is on you.
Do send them off with a digital wallet boost. While physical cash is always appreciated, a quick Venmo, Zelle transfer or reloading their campus cash account/bookstore card is a seamless way to give them a little spending cushion for late-night coffee or study snacks.
Do eat at the dining hall. It’s a great way to sample the expensive meal plan you pay for. But be realistic. The cuisine is elevated for family weekend. If your child wants to eat off campus, see if the college family weekend schedule includes breakfast or brunch in the dining hall. Your college student is unlikely to wake up that early and you can eat without her.
Do let your child decide what she wants to see locally. If she doesn’t have a car, your wheels are the best way for her to explore the community. Maybe her school is near top teen destinations.
Do offer your college student the chance to stay with you in your hotel or Airbnb. But don’t expect them to accept. We naively thought our girls would welcome the opportunity to stay in a fancy hotel, with clean sheets and towels. Boring! They want to return to campus for the usual weekend fun that occurs long after the family weekend festivities conclude for the night. You thought this weekend was just for family time? Ha!
Do let your younger children stay in the college student’s dorm room if that’s offered. Think of this as one of the college tours you won’t have to take.
Do remember: This isn’t a vacation. It’s a chance to see your child on their turf, get a glimpse into their life away from you. Be in the moment and let your child take the lead!
College Parents’ Weekend FAQs
Most colleges schedule Parents Weekend or Family Weekend in the early fall, typically between late September and late October. Check your university’s academic or student affairs calendar as early as summer to confirm dates.
You’ll do plenty of walking across campus. Opt for comfortable shoes, layer-friendly clothing for changing autumn weather and college-branded gear. Show your school spirit!
Absolutely. Younger siblings often love seeing where their big brother or sister lives. Just make sure to build in some flexible downtime, as campus walking tours and lectures can tire out younger kids.
SheBuysTravel writers have been where you’re going. We share our ground-truth experience to save you time, money and energy, making your trips easier. Been There. Bought That. Since 2006.
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